New series: Balancing work/life/motherhood

When Toby was a couple months old, and I was starting to work again, I was shocked to discover how hard it was to juggle everything.

We found a beloved babysitter, but when she would leave in the afternoons and Toby would cuddle up in my arms, my mind would still be whirring with tasks left undone. Instead of nabbing a few hours in the evenings to finish up work, Alex and I spent all our extra hours taking care of Toby. There just weren't enough hours in the day to fit everything in, and I felt stretched thin--like I wasn't doing a great job at work or being a mother. I had always prided myself on being an efficient worker who could get things done. But now I was totally overwhelmed. What had happened to me? Was I not who I thought I was? I just wanted to take a nap.

When I looked around, other moms seemed to have it down. Walking down the streets of the West Village, Toby and I would pass countless picture-perfect moms with crisp white shirts, pretty makeup and blown-dried hair (!). How were they doing it? Was I the only new mom who was floundering? I couldn’t believe that I was, but no one else seemed to be batting a mascara-ed eyelash. I desperately wanted to be a fly on the wall and see how people really managed their time with work + baby + marriage + life.

Finally, one evening at the playground, I asked a fellow new mother, a freelance graphic designer, about her specific work schedule. To my great surprise, we ended up having a hilarious talk about the ups and downs of finding balance (she admitted to getting four hours of a sleep a night and working on her Blackberry while breastfeeding). I walked home with a huge smile on my face. I wasn't alone! In fact, maybe we were all secretly in the same boat.

Happily, things took a turn after that. I was able to take a deep breath, give myself a break, and slowly figure out a schedule that worked really well for us (which I'm still experimenting with and tweaking!).

Although people do talk overall about the juggle, I've never heard people talk about the actual day-to-day of how they do it, and I'm always so curious about that, aren't you? So let's talk! :) Let's share openly and honestly how we structure our days with work, marriage, baby and life. Let's reveal the ups and downs. Let's be supportive of and gentle with ourselves and each other.

This week, while we're in England, I'm thrilled to share a series of posts from eight working mothers (including Jordan from Oh Happy Day, Jenny from Little Green Notebook, Deb from Smitten Kitchen, myself, and others) about how they juggle their lives. I found the posts fascinating, and I hope you enjoy them. The first is coming right up!

P.S. I'm featuring women in somewhat similar situations--most of them work part- to full-time for themselves from home, live in big cities, and are married with young babies or children--because I wanted to show how these similar women have all created different schedules that work for them. Of course, there's a huge variety of amazing mothers with different jobs, relationships, economic means and situations, but I hope these posts are helpful, relevant, and, at the very least, interesting to everyone. xo

P.P.S. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments this week. I would LOVE to hear what you think overall, how you feel about these mothers' specific thoughts and philosophies, what ups and downs you’ve had, and how you manage (or hope to manage) your life as a new mother. The conversation is open and welcoming. We're all in this together!

(Photo of newborn Toby)Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Motherhood Mondays: 8 confessions of a new dad

For today's second Motherhood Monday post, I'd love to talk about new fatherhood. On the three-hour drive home from the beach this weekend, Alex and I started talking about parenthood, and he revealed a few funny and surprising thoughts on our first year with a baby. Here were his eight revelations, in his own words...

1. "I didn't bond with the baby right away."
The experience of fatherhood is thrilling, but so hard at the same time. I loved Toby from the second I saw him. But the first few months, to be honest, were pure adjustment. The baby is so helpless, and you're so clueless, and you don’t have that strong chemical, hormonal and emotional bond with the child, in the same way the mother does.

You spend the first six months of your baby's life cramming this giant rule book. You have to learn everything—how to hold the baby, how to swaddle, how to change a diaper. I had never played with dolls or even babysat, so it was totally, totally new.

I did enjoy it--it was a fascinating odyssey and deeply satisfying--but, secretly, at the same time, if Joanna had walked in and said, "My mom's going to take over for the next month," I would have been thrilled.

2. "Time alone with the baby was surprisingly profound."
Even though I felt so lost overall, I was surprised by how spending time alone with Toby felt natural and surprisingly not scary. I remember the very first night we had Toby at home. Joanna was in bed, and I had four hours alone with him. He was sleeping in the bassinet next to me, and started to stir. I realized that he had never heard music before and that I got to pick out the first song he'd ever hear. I felt like I had a hand in shaping his destiny. Choosing a song on iTunes suddenly felt profound! I decided on "Penny Lane" by The Beatles. It was bright and optimistic, like the first day of spring. It was a magical moment.

3. “My wife acted a little like she was on drugs.”
Up until you have a baby, whatever happens, you and your wife pretty much respond the same way. You're on the same wavelength. But once the baby arrives, every thing that happens, your wife has a 90-degree different take.

Joanna's highs were higher, and her lows were lower. Her general joyfulness was so high; she was starry-eyed and blissed out. On the flip side, she was more anxious. She was more inclined to take any negative thing to heart—such as Toby fussing while we changed his diaper. I figured his fussing was a small, unfortunate but inevitable thing, but it felt incredibly urgent to Joanna. She got really upset by his crying—for her, it was like an alarm clock was going off inside her. She had an extreme surge of anxiety at any possible sign of disturbance to Toby, whereas I would address his crying but it wouldn't bother me on an emotional level. I just thought, Oh, all babies cry, he'll be ok.

It's like being with someone on drugs. You're on a different plane. You look at your wife, and you have to imagine, 'What exactly are you feeling? How does the world look to you right now?' Then you have to figure out how to respond the way she would want.

Everything does come back down to earth again. Your wife no longer feels those extreme surges at both ends of the emotional spectrum and becomes more like her old self (which is a relief to her, too), and you get more acclimated and feel like your old self. By about month nine, we found ourselves settling back into our old rhythms and feeling like ourselves again (see below:).

4. "I was nervous that my wife would like the baby better."
Maybe it sounds crazy, but a great fear I always had about having children was that my future wife might like them better. In many of my friends’ families growing up, the husband was basically replaced by the kids. There's nothing more primal than the love between mother and infant. I was absolutely worried about being dropped a notch.

Once Joanna was putting Toby to bed and I heard her tell him, "You're my favorite person in the whole world, do you know that?" and I was thinking, 'Really? What about me?' It sounds ridiculous, but it was an adjustment not to be the only man in her life. But in the end, I saw that our marriage could never be replaced by a baby—it's such a different thing. That realization was a huge relief.

5. “Children's books are boring.”
I love spending time with Toby, especially when we go on walks or play the guitar. But some baby activities are s-l-o-w. Many women seem to have a tremendous capacity to step outside themselves and see things through the baby's eyes, like reading children's books. But to me, children's books are fundamentally boring. Like, mind-numbing. The Very Hungry Caterpillar is tough sledding.

6. “Everything turned a corner at nine months."
I once heard a theory that babies are inside the womb for nine months, but that they're remain in the gestational period outside the womb for the next nine months.

Everything changed when Toby was nine months old. One day, Toby didn't seem to know who I was (or care!). But the next evening, I got home from work, and Toby was eating dinner in the high chair, and he looked up at me and smiled and shrieked and did jazz hands. He recognized me! It was amazing. I felt like we had truly connected. Honestly, for the first time, he didn't only feel like my baby, but like my son.

7. “I daydream about the future with Toby.”
I often daydream about Toby growing up: listening to music, taking him on boats, teaching him how to cook a great omelet, telling stories about "the old days." I always picture us on hikes for some reason—even though I don't really go on many hikes. My father and I used to sit around for hours some nights and plan my future, and I love the idea of being on the other side of that conversation. I also look forward to imparting lessons that my dad didn't give me—like how to ask out women.

8. “I'm ready for another.”
With your first baby, it's really tough. Every day is a surprise. But now I know that I can do it. Raising a child for the first 12 months of their life is a skill I now have. Having a second baby? Believe it or not, I can't wait. :)

Thank you, Alexei! My lovelies, do you think own dads had to adjust to having children? Fellow mamas, did your husbands immediately take to new parenthood, or did they find the transition tricky? Have they said anything about the experience? If you're a guy, what are your thoughts on fatherhood? I would love to hear... xoxoSource URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Salt-Water sandals

My darlings, another Motherhood Monday post is coming up (about husbands!), but in the meantime, I wanted to share these sandals for little dudes. Every child in our neighborhood wears Salt-Water sandals, which are adorable, comfy and tough enough for city streets, grass parks, sandy beaches, and, of course, salty water. Toby just got his first little pair, and we're loving them already.

Mamas, have you ever tried them? What other children's shoes do you swear by? xo

P.S. Funnily enough, the sandals are also becoming cool for grown-ups. We spotted some chicer-than-chic women wearing them in the Hamptons!
(Bottom photo by Fashion is Spinach)Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Motherhood Mondays: Has your style changed since having a baby?

My lovelies, for today's Motherhood Monday post, let's talk about style. I've always had a pretty low-key look (cardigans, flats), but after Toby arrived, my style became even more relaxed (read: worse!). I didn't have time to do much for my own look, and I sort of forgot about myself in that way. My focus was so much on sweet Toby. But now that Toby's a year old--and we feel much more comfortable and confident as parents--I'm excited to take some time for myself and reestablish my style. Here are the pieces that are getting me started:

* Red lipstick. Red lips make you feel glamorous and feminine, even when you're driving trucks in the sandbox or changing a diaper.

* Striped shirts. Along with everyone else in the (blog) world, I adore French-style striped shirts, which make you feel like a modern-day Jean Seberg.

* Dark jeans. Around a baby, you run a 100% risk of getting covered in banana, yogurt, sand, spit-up, snot, pee, or something strange-smelling and unidentifiable. Dark denim is the way to go! Spills just magically absorb until you have time to do laundry. :)

* Big bags. Instead of an actual diaper bag, I like carrying big regular bags and throwing everything in. I love this leather bag from Banana Republic. Bonus: It has a magnetic clasp, so it's easy to open and close while juggling a baby.

* Ring slings. I tried a Sakura Bloom ring sling for the first time recently and fell in love. Not only are they super cozy (Toby sleeps so well in it!) and surprisingly easy to put on, but they look beautiful. Instead of wearing a strappy carrier or pushing around a stroller, you wrap yourself and your baby in silk. It's a fashion statement as much as a baby carrier. Also, don't you love how you can see the shape of their big diaper butts? Heartbreakingly sweet. :)

So, I'd love to ask: What are your go-to pieces? How would you describe your style? If you're a mother, how has your style changed since having a baby? Do you ever wear your baby in a sling or carrier? xoxo

P.S. This post is part of the Sakura Bloom Styleathon, hosted by my friend Leigh. Read more here, if you'd like. I'm honored to be a part of it!
(Striped shirt from Chance; layering tank c/o Lilla P; jeans from Emersonmade; sling c/o Sakura Bloom; sunglasses c/o Selima Optique; heels from Michael Kors; bag from Banana Republic)Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Toby's birthday party

For today's Motherhood Monday post, I'd love to share a few photos of Toby's first birthday party. The party was not only a special occasion for sweet Toby, but also for Alex and me, as first-time parents. It was a life-changing, whirlwind, chaotic, rollercoaster first year...and we survived!
We decided to have a picnic in downtown Manhattan with the theme "New York City kid." Everyone arrived at 3pm and brought their own blankets. (Btw, aren't Anika's sunglasses awesome?)
Toby and Leo have been friends for their entire lives. Their birthdays are just one week apart. Whenever I see them together, I imagine them as old men, sitting there together, laughing, making their weird jokes.
We were lucky enough to collaborate with One Charming Party, an amazing party-planning blog and company, and they gave us some incredible ideas. We served bagels with cream cheese, black-and-white cookies and (spiked) orange juice for the grown-ups, and One Charming Party made adorable taxi snack packs for each child, including apple sauce, juice boxes, mini bagels and Cheerios. They also silkscreened the "I Heart Toby" T-shirt, which I loved wearing.
We made a banana cake, topped with a Statue of Liberty candle. Toby was transfixed by the flame and refused to smile for family photos:)
Chubby legs!
And attack!
Hula hooping it up.
After a long, happy afternoon, it was time to head home.
It was a wonderful day! Thank you to everyone who came. We felt so happy to have so many lovely people in our lives, especially, of course, our little man.
P.S. We also made thank-you notes from Pinhole Press.

See a few more photos on flickr, if you'd like.

(Photos by our friend Kenan, and thank you again to One Charming Party)Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Motherhood Mondays: A funny tip about sex...

My darlings, for this Motherhood Monday post, let's talk about...sex! Recently I heard a genius tip about how to have a sexy date night with your husband. Want to hear?

Esther Perel, the author of the fascinating book Mating in Captivity, says that when you get home from a romantic night out, the key to having a sexy rest-of-the-night is simple: Let your husband pay the babysitter.

Why?

When the woman pays the babysitter, Perel says, she instantly switches back into "mom mode." She hunts for the cash and adds up the hourly wages; she asks the babysitter how much milk the baby drank and how long it took for him to fall asleep; she asks about the babysitter's weekend and confirms the next babysitting appointment. Having sex? Suddenly it's the furthest thing from her mind.

So, instead of paying the babysitter, says Perel, the woman should get home and head straight to the bedroom. That way, she can relax, maybe light a candle, and keep feeling fun and flirty. Meanwhile, the husband pays the sitter, sends her on her way, and then joins his lovely date!

Isn't that funny? It's such a simple but great tip. (I just hope our babysitters don't read this post, since after our next date night, I will be booking it to the bedroom:)

What do you think, mamas? Who normally pays the babysitter? What do you do on your date nights? What other little things do you do to keep the sparks in your relationship? I would LOVE to hear! xoxo
(Top photo via The Bean and the Bear; bottom photo of Alex and me by Christine. Also, thanks, Anna)Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Motherhood Mondays: Ten tips for traveling with a baby

For today's Motherhood Monday post, I'd love to talk about traveling with a baby (and hear your tips). We just got back from a week in San Francisco, and we also took Toby to California last Christmas. During those long trips, we learned a few things (on the fly!) that helped us travel more smoothly and with fewer freak-outs. :) Here are 10 things that we discovered make traveling with a baby much easier...

On the plane:

1. If you're traveling domestically within the U.S., babies fly free until they're two. They just sit in your lap. (Note: Be sure to give the airline a head's up when you book your flight.) If you're flying internationally, you have to pay some extra taxes for the baby, but it's much less expensive than buying a full ticket, of course. (Note: You can also purchase a full ticket for your baby and have them sit in a car seat next to you, which would be an awesome option, if you have a bigger budget.)

2. Fly during naps or at bedtime. Flying with a sleeping baby is exactly 1 million times easier than flying with a baby who wants to bounce, walk, crawl, sing, screech, and play for the entire flight. We try to book flights leaving around 7:30 p.m. (Toby's bedtime), or, if it's a short flight, around lunchtime, and then cross our fingers that he'll curl up on our shoulders and nap.

3. Feed during take-off and landing. Babies don't know how to pop their ears, so it's helpful to offer a bottle (or boob:) when the plane takes off + just as the plane begins to descend (which is when you'll notice your own ears popping), to help ease the ear pressure.

4. Sit apart on the plane. This is a random tip (and sounds counterintuitive), but we swear by it: If you’re traveling with your husband/wife/partner, don't sit together; instead, get two aisle seats far apart on the plane. Here's our story: When we arrived at the airport for our San Francisco flight, Alex and I realized that we weren't sitting together on the flight. It was too late to change our seats, and I was bummed at first, since I figured it would make the flight more difficult. But we were actually surprised to find that it made things MUCH easier for all three of us. Alex and I agreed to switch off with Toby every hour. It was GREAT for us (we each got frequent breaks to sleep/read/eat/watch TV/etc. and weren't on co-baby-duty for the entire flight) and GREAT for the baby (it was fun and refreshing to see mom/dad each time we switched and kept things interesting throughout the long flight).

During your stay:

5. Consider renting an apartment/house. Hotels have their perks (indoor pools! room service! ice machines!) but the rooms are often quite small, and with a baby, you need space. Our friends went to L.A. a few years ago and stayed in a beautiful hotel, but they laughed afterwards about how, once the baby went to bed, they were stuck eating sandwiches in the bathroom. :) Renting a apartment or house lets you watch movies, cook dinner and even invite friends over after the baby is asleep. And house rentals are usually really budget-friendly! Check out homeaway, airbnb or vrbo for great options.

6. Skype babysitters. When we were planning our trips to California, we asked friends and relatives for babysitter recommendations. Then, before we left, I interviewed the potential babysitters on Skype from our New York apartment; I would even hold Toby up to the computer to say hello! It was a nice way to "meet" them and feel comfortable about them before leaving on our trip. And it was GREAT to have babysitters for a few evenings during our vacations. We loved spending the days with Toby, of course, but at night, Alex and I were excited to go out to romantic dinners without a baby in tow (and it really helped make the vacation feel like a true break). Toby was fast asleep anyway, so we felt fine leaving him, and the babysitter would just hang out and guard the fort. :)

What to pack:

7. Car seat + stroller frame. We've had a great experience with a Graco car seat and a Graco stroller frame. (The stroller frame lets you turn the car seat into a stroller.) In the airport, you can load the stroller up with both your baby and your bags, and then you can check the car seat and base for free* right at the gate. During your trip, you can use the car seat in taxis and rental cars; and then you can turn it into a stroller for walking around parks and museums. (P.S. For older babies and young kids, the GoGo Babyz Travelmate looks awesome.) * You typically can check 1-2 baby items for free on flights, in addition to your regular bags.

8. Baby Bjorn travel crib. I've mentioned this before, but the Baby Bjorn travel crib is amazing. It's comfy, light and incredibly easy to pack/unpack, and Toby sleeps comfortably and soundly. We initially hesitated to splurge on it, but now we're so glad we did; it's so helpful and easy when traveling. (A side note: We also use it in New York when going to friends' houses for dinner or movies, so we can take Toby with us and put him to bed while we're there.) I'd highly recommend it.

9. White noise for your computer (or phone). Toby is used to sleeping with white noise, but we didn't want to schlep our heavy noise machine along on our trip. So Alex was psyched to find this awesome white noise CD. We just downloaded it on our laptop and played it in the bedroom. Bonus: You won't have to tiptoe around at night, since the white noise will block out any noise you make, as well as any startling street noise or house creakings that your baby isn't used to. (P.S. This made me laugh:)

10. Order Diapers.com to your destination. We typically order a box of diapers, wipes, whatever we might need during our trip from Diapers.com. Bonus: Delivery is free, and the box always magically arrives the next morning. (I don't know how they do it:) That way, you don’t have to carry everything on the flight with you (and can avoid trekking to a grocery store as soon as you land).

I hope this is helpful (and doesn't seem overwhelming when it's written out)! Traveling with a baby definitely has its crazy moments, but it can be wonderful, magical and revitalizing, and I usually find that the handful of things I'm most worried about (chaotic flights; crying in the car seat)...don't actually happen. Overall, I've found traveling with a baby to be easier than I had expected, which was a nice surprise! :)

Do you have any favorite family-friendly destinations? Do you have any advice about flying or traveling with little ones? Baby items you swear by? Any major travel triumphs or disasters? I would LOVE to hear your thoughts...

Happy travels!
(Top photo from Playsam; the bottom photo is of Toby in the morning:)Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Motherhood Mondays: Do you kiss your babies on the mouth? Or your parents?

On this Motherhood Monday, I'd love to talk about kissing babies.

First, here's a little story: When I was sixteen, we went to visit my grandparents in England. One night, I was saying good night to my grandfather. "Good night, Dilly," I said, standing next to his armchair, and then I leaned over and gave him a peck on the mouth. We had always kissed my parents on the lips, and I figured that was appropriate. I thought it was just what you did!

"Oh, yes, uh, well, Joanna," he said, flustered and almost dropping his whisky. Then he pulled himself together and looked up at me. "You know, I always say, 'A man should kiss his father on the forehead, kiss his friends and family on the cheek, and kiss his wife on the lips.'"

Oh, I thought, blushing a shade of lobster red. Good to know. I was mortified! After that, I stuck to cheek-kisses for pretty much everyone (even high-school boyfriends, but that's another story).

Fast forward fifteen years: Now that I have my own baby, I can't help kissing him all over the face, including his slobbery mouth. I basically make out with him. :) Nothing feels better than drool-y kisses from a baby. It feels instinctual. And I remember seeing a French movie years ago where the mother kissed her five-year-old daughter on the mouth, and it seemed sweet and natural (and chic:).

Funnily enough, though, Alex feels differently. I remember the day after Toby was born, we were still in the hospital, and I turned to Alex and said, "Oh, you have to kiss him on the mouth, it feels so good, you have to try it," and Alex was like, "No, thanks, I'll kiss him right here...on the top of the head." I teased him good-naturedly but, a year later, he's still rocking the forehead peck.

So, I'm curious: Do you kiss your babies on the mouth? What about older children? Was there an age where you stopped? Have you ever kissed your parents on the mouth? Do you think it's lovely or entirely inappropriate? I would LOVE to hear your thoughts!

(Top photo of Toby; bottom photos by Anais and Alain)Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Motherhood Mondays: On babysitters

My lovelies, for this Motherhood Monday, let's talk about babysitters.

Our very first babysitter was Naudia, who is still with us. (In the photo above, she's reading Toby his favorite story--he was only 3 months old.)

One thing that really surprised me was how hard it was to leave Toby with a babysitter for the first time. (How old were your babies when you first got a babysitter?) For us, Toby was two months old. Alex and I had planned to go to lunch and take a bike ride, and Naudia came over to babysit. But as soon as we walked out the door, I wanted to turn around and walk right back in. (My heart was racing!) Alex encouraged me to take a break and enticed me with the promise of roast chicken and fries at a nearby French bistro. I downed a glass of wine during lunch to calm my nerves and then took a wobbly bike ride while obsessing about Toby the entire time. I must have texted Naudia 1,000 times during our three-hour date! It's funny because I knew rationally that nothing bad was going to happen, but I felt so anxious--my heart was in my throat. As a new mom, my emotions were so heightened. (Did you mamas feel the same?)

Thankfully, each consecutive time that Alex and I went out, I felt more and more comfortable, and I'm so glad that Alex encouraged me. You don't always realize how much you need a break until you take one. I would return home a much more relaxed, refreshed and reinvigorated mother. (And now, of course, it's all much easier now that Toby's older!)

Nowadays Naudia is like part of our family. We completely adore her. She now babysits Toby while I work from home. When she arrives in the morning, Toby peeks over the banister and yelps and kicks with excitement. She has cute nicknames for him, takes him on "dates", and she even has his photo as her phone's wallpaper. And it's funny how quickly the walls break down when someone works in your home: She's seen Alex and me half asleep, in our pajamas (and one embarrassing morning--when Alex didn't realize that she had arrived yet--without pajamas), with messy hair, without makeup, worrying, laughing, even crying. Since I work from home in our teeny apartment, we're around each other so much; it's such an intimate relationship. It's hard to imagine ever not having her in our lives!

(By the way, years ago, I read a fascinating book called Searching for Mary Poppins, which features a collection of mothers' essays about the complex relationship between mothers and nannies. I'd highly recommend it.)

I'm so curious: Have you babysat before? If you're a mom, do you like your babysitters? Where did you find them? Have you ever had not-so-great babysitting experience? I would love to hear...
(Naudia giving Toby his very first massage. She kept saying, "He's found his utopia!":)

P.S. More about motherhood, pregnancy and babies.Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Motherhood Mondays: What baby names do you like?

My darlings, on this Motherhood Monday, I'd love to talk about baby names! Do you have favorites? When Alex and I first found out that we were expecting a child, we were so giddy (and, um, surprised:) that we couldn't sleep. So we found ourselves in our dark living room at 2 a.m. brainstorming names. Our top boy's names were Toby, Julian, Charlie, and Elliot (ahh, I still love Elliot). For girl's names, I liked Sophie, and he liked Samantha, but we couldn't decide on one that we both loved. (Girls names are surprisingly tough!)

My friend Nora told us a funny way to analyze names: The Blind Date Test. Pretend someone is setting up your college-aged child on a blind date. They'd ask, "Hey, want to meet my friend Toby?" Now think: How would you picture that person, just based on the name? Would you want to meet them? It's a surprisingly good way to get a feel for the name, don't you think? :)

There are also such cool unusual names these days. Toby's friends include Zelda, Quinn, Sailor, Elodie and Meriwether. (Aren't those all amazing?) The Baby Name Voyager shows you how popular every name has been since the 1880s. (Warning: It's totally addictive.)

So, I'd love to ask: What baby names do you like? Do you prefer offbeat names, or would you stay more traditional? Would you name your child after a relative? Do you like your own name? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

P.S. This baby name book looks great:
(Top photo by Raul Gutierrez)Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Motherhood Mondays: On having a boy

My darlings, sorry for the late post today! I've been thinking about this one all day, and finally had a chance to write it out.

So, I'd love to ask: When you think of having children, do you ever secretly hope for a boy or a girl? Even though people don't really talk about it, I actually think it's really common to wish for one or the other.

When you're pregnant, the most important thing on your mind, of course, is having a healthy baby. Anyone who is given that gift is blessed beyond belief. I definitely did not take that for granted and felt hugely lucky to be having a baby.

But also, in my heart of hearts, when we found out we were going to have a baby, I secretly hoped that we would have a girl. I had always imagined having a daughter and doing all those fun girly things together--playing with dolls, going to ballet lessons, having heart-to-heart mother/daughter conversations, and doing all the classic (and cliched) things that are part of girlhood. I loved being a girl (and am really close to my own mom); and thought it would be such fun to raise one.

So when we found out that we were expecting a boy, I was so excited and couldn't wait to meet the little man. But part of me couldn't help secretly feeling a little disappointed. I felt really guilty for feeling that way (was I a terrible person? the gender shouldn't matter as long as the baby is healthy, right?), but the feeling remained. I had always pictured having a daughter...and now we weren't.

Plus, I kept thinking about how didn't know a single thing about boy stuff. The guys in my family are really male--they all are obsessed with motorcycles and pranks and windsurfing and whisky. Would Alex and our baby bond over sports, while I wouldn't be able to share that with them, I wondered? When we were growing up, my brother and dad talked endlessly about motorcycle parts and car racing; what if my baby boy wanted to talk about cars? I didn't know a thing about them--or care! And I'm a wuss about rollercoasters and swimming in the ocean and those types of boy-ish rough-and-tumble activities. What if he were into those things? Would I be the lame mom sitting nervously on the bench while my son bonded with all the more adventurous types?

I really worried that I wouldn't be able to connect to a boy...or, more aptly, that he wouldn't connect to me.

But then.

Toby arrived.

Once the doctor put my red-faced, wrinkly, sweet, beautiful baby boy into my arms, EVERYTHING changed.

I can tell you with all my heart, now that Toby has entered our lives, it is the most incredible, moony experience, and now I CANNOT imagine having anything other than my delicious baby boy. When he was brand new, he was so tiny, vulnerable and sweet. When I breastfed him, and he'd snuggle up and put his little hand on my chest and look into my eyes, I would just swoon.

Now that he's eleven months old, he is so lovely and has such a sweet, open demeanor. He giggles, he coos, he stands on full tippy-toe. He touches my face with serious concentration. He loves reading books and eating pears and looking out the window. Sometimes when he's asleep at night, I'll tiptoe into the nursery just to lean down and put my head near his; I love seeing his out-of-proportion body sleeping there: his big head, small shoulders, big diaper butt, and short legs. I pat his back and smell his sweet milky breath. I am totally enamored and enchanted by him. He is my little man, my lovely little boy.

Having a son has turned out to be the most amazing thing, and my apprehensions and fears seem so silly now. I'm so excited to bring him up, and previously boring things like baseball and water pistols are suddenly super thrilling, since I see them through his sweet little eyes. The other day, I was riding my bike downtown and saw a dinosaur-shaped balloon and couldn't stop thinking about how cool it was. :)

Oh, how Toby has opened my eyes!

Anyway, I thought I'd tell you, my sweet readers, since people don't often talk about their preferences for a boy or a girl (it seems like it shouldn't matter) but I think it's very normal to initially crave one over the other. And I wanted to be honest and share how needlessly worried I had been. I'm curious: Do you secretly hope for a boy or girl? How have your thoughts changed, if you've had a baby? I'm so curious to hear -- from everyone from mamas and mamas-to-be! Leave your comment anonymously, if you'd like!

(Photo credit unknown, via Abby Sharp)Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Motherhood

It's amazing how much you love your own child. Although motherhood can be hard sometimes, and the juggle of work vs. life vs. baby can feel impossible to get right, Toby and his little bald head and his powdery/milky scent and his drooly smile and his throaty laugh make me so moony every time.

They say that when you have a baby, your heart lives outside you, and that phrase has come to mind so many times since Toby was born. It even feels physical: Funnily enough, when I'm away from him, like at a work meeting or dinner with friends, I often get a constant nagging feeling that I've left something behind; I keep checking my pockets for my cell phone and my wallet and my keys, and then I realize, oh, yes, of course, I left behind my Toby!

I read a great Carl Jung quote the other day: "Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important." And I realized that I'd love to talk more about the real-life, day-to-day experiences of being a new mom. So I'm excited to start a new weekly series called Motherhood Mondays, where we can talk openly about everything from babysitters to breastfeeding (and Alex will finally share his side of our birth story). (And is there anything specific you'd like to talk about or have been wondering about?) Much love to you all! xoxo

(Photos by Alex)Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Breastfeeding love

I'm totally in love with this nursing photo and can't stop looking at it.

Moms, how long did you breastfeed your babies? And moms-to-be, how long do you imagine you will? Three months? Six months? A year? Toddler-age? Or not at all? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

(Photo by Michal Rubin)Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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Saturday morning

Toby had a bit of a tummy ache on Saturday, so we spent the morning lounging around. It was really fun to lie around doing nothing except playing with his bird toy and giving raspberries.

P.S. You know when you were a little kid and your parents were your safe haven? It's strange/amazing to be that for someone now. Sometime I think, wait, I can't be a mom, I'm just a random person, I don't know all the answers! But I guess our moms were the same way? I still sort of think my mom knows everything.Source URL: http://sparesomeribs.blogspot.com/search/label/monday%20motherhood%20moments
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